prayer request

praying for a renter. our current renters moved out today and i don't have anyone to take over :(

Lord, please bring a reliable, clean, trustworthy renter to us.
amen!

goal

i still desire to do this:
a recommended QT of sorts

15 minutes of praise/ worship
15 minuutes read a portion of the gospel in present tense; left self be in the story
15 minutes pray the gospel passage back to God
15 minutes sit there and let yourself be loved by Go

quote 4: read on...

the speaker, paula reinheit did a good job of explaining this passage:

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5for each one should carry his own load. Gal 6:2-5

on the surface, it seems like a contradiction until you go to the original hebrew.

v2. burdens - the boulders - the heavy burdens that can overwhelm our lives (ie. natural disasters, unemployment, etc).

vs. 2 load - our "invisible knapsack" - what's in my knapsack? my responsibilities in life, my role as a wife, mom, my gifts, callings, even my wounds. i'm responsible for carrying my knapsack -and not anyone else. the boulders in life is what the body of believers is for - to help one another.

ladies' retreat quote 3: strength is the amount of vulnerability i can offer

i think the quote speaks for itself, heh?

i thought it was a good quote. but no real deep thoughts to go along with it.
except this - as i receive God's grace, i can be a grace extender to others... but without the grace of God, there is too much insecurity in us to let people see our weaknesses.

I'm learning about myself...

my man said something very interesting the other day.
he said, "it's a good thing God didn't create you as a man because you would be the very man that you hate". and you know what? i totally agree!

specifically, he meant that there's a part of me that's very power hungry - not money. i don't really care to have lots of that --- but power and prestige... now that's a different story. that's probably why i would have gone into forensic auditing if i didn't have a family. because that niche runs off of all that greed... and a little adrenaline :)

and i think that's why i'm having a hard time with this whole job thing. because i want to be in a position that recognizes and values me for what i think i'm worth. unfortunately, i'm finding that that runs directly in the face of being a mom that puts motherhood and wifery first. the last month or so, i can tell that i've been giving my family leftovers of my time and energy. while one can argue it's only a month. a month is more than i bargained for. that wasn't the original deal i made w/ my man before i started working. so, while the world says i'm foolish and just down right stupid to be entertaining resigning in this recession - well, what can i say? i serve a mighty God.

funny how it takes your spouse to spin your weaknesses in such a way to see it as a blessing?

rain rain go away

when will spring come? what a tease it's been this year.

i want to go run tomorrow but past weekend there was a random murder in the neighborhood across the street... so i'm rather iffy about going out in the morning. it was a couple and they were both attacked. one's in critical condition at the hospital still. it's crazy because if you knew where i lived... murder is the last thing you would think.
what is the world coming to? the depravity of man!!! sheesh!

in other whining news, i'm most discontented in my job and am trying to figure out if it's a God thing or a me thing. either way, i think God's trying to tell me something and i've got to listen.

no, i'm not stressed...

this year is going to bring about some changes. lately, our financial situation has gotten me praying about the direction of our family.

here are things that are up in the air:
1. our renters leave the end of the month. need new renters.
2. we may have to refi which means we'll probably move back to our place
3. my man is taking two months of unpaid leave during the summer to study for the bar
4. i'm praying about a change in my job
5. this market kind of stinks and people aren't exactly hiring these days

all reasons why i'm not stressed ;).... sarcasm galore, huh?

truthfully, i'm not stressed. it's funny how God seems to use our housing situation to teach us of His faithfulness over and over again. it'll be pretty cool to see what God does in the next few months. but in the meantime, prayer abounds.

nephew's dol

nephew had his dol on sunday. was such a hectic weekend getting ready for it and my sister put soooo much time into preparing for it!
thought i'd post a few pics
poor guy, he looked so unhappy because we woke him up from his nap for the festivities...

it's only thursday?

man! it's been a rough week. i woke up in the middle of the night wednesday having a panic attack... thinking about all of the work that needed to be done this week.

today i spent the day in meetings and didn't actually get work done - which doesn't help that i have everything due tomorrow. i guess i should work now, but i really don't want to. and honestly, i feel like i shouldn't. this isn't what i signed up for. i'm already going into the office on friday (don't normally work fridays)... why can't i just snap my fingers and it all be done??

busy season has been so tiring and i can't wait for it to be over. so tired...

Food diary

My man and I have been keeping a food diary with another couple friend. it's been kind of fun to see what everyone is eating.

we decided to do the food diary for two reasons:
1. my man is allergic to something (we think) but we don't know what.
2. with the cleanse we're doing - thought it would be a good idea to keep track of our food - to see if we really do stop craving sweets as it says we should...

so fun!

3 dinners and still going

do you ever have dinner and then get hungry an hour later?

the other day i had soup, went for a short run, tucked our jewel into bed, then headed out to pick up some sushi. still hungry after that, my man went to mcd's to pick up a meal... then it was bedtime. the next day was the first time in a LONG time that i woke up with a stomach ache. surprised?

ladies' retreat: quote 2

"In so many ways, Jesus is saving me from myself."
---and---
"There are parts of me that have never heard the Gospel".

These are similar to quote 1 in the sense that they all lead me to one main issue: that i don't spend enough QUIET time before God. why? because i don't think that i can give a heart felt, answer if these quotes were turned into questions.

question 1: what has He saved me from?

the obvious answer is sin. depravity. death. yes, i can give you nice christian-ese answers. but there are specific sins in me that are unique to me due to my upbringing, my personality, my make-up. you know, that revolving sin door that seems popping open again and again. God's allowing me to have weaknesses, trials and struggles in certain areas in my life. why? because as it says in James 1 - it's to bring about a mature faith. so fundamentally, what is He saving me from? i don't know the answer to this question - so hence... needing to be quiet before God.

question 2: what parts of me haven't heard the Gospel/ need to hear the Gospel?
i think that there are areas of my life that i've subconsciously closed the door on God. probably allowing Him to have a peek here and there, but to really let Him come in, take control, release my control freak attitude in that area... hum, sometimes it's easier to hold on to the anger, resentment, bitterness. is it the control freak in me that just doesn't want to let go? pride? again. not really sure what the root answer is for this one---- hence, need to be quiet before God.


there's obviously a trend here. i've been trying to be quiet these days. but so hard. i start to reach for the phone and then think... hum, should try to be quiet. then will find myself reaching for the radio knob. talking to myself... anything to kill the quiet... wow! so tough for me.

Oh Lord, help!

drowning in thoughts

the last few days have been particularly hard.
i can't seem to really articulate the emotions - probably because i don't want to be quiet before God and feel the emotions.. so instead i've been keeping myself busy with everything else under the sun...

to stop and feel... what do i feel? sad, helpless. hopeless. consumed. overwhelmed with emotions. moody. cranky. depressed.

trusting that God's ways are better and greater than my ways. believing that He works for the good of those who love Him. claiming that if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart. these verses that i keep saying over and over again to comfort my soul. trusting God yet crying my eyes out...
i'm so tired, Lord.

Ladies Retreat 1

Last weekend was so great at the ladies' retreat and i feel like i learned so much but often once you get back home, it just seems to be the usual routine of life and then before you know it, the great nudgings of the Spirit seem to dissipate into little nice Christian sayings to live by.

so i wanted to take some time to reflect on it but then that gets overwelming to try and write about all that was impressed on the heart. so i thought i'd break up my notes into quotes that struck me.

QUOTE 1: "What pit did Jesus pull me out of?"
As Christians we all know that Jesus came to save us from our sins... but what sins?
yes, i know you can say - all sin. but there are certain sins that are specific to me. based on my personality, my upbringing, my everything... i have certain "pits of sin" that i seem to fall into - and keep falling into. so what pit did he pull me from?
honestly, this question was really hard for me. i'm so analytical and i constantly like to evaluate and dissect everything - thoughts, actions, words, ideas... but i didn't know the answer to this question. that told me one thing. that i do not have good quality, intimate time with God where I'm quiet before Him. instead i'm going off about what i need and don't have. what the latest - 411 in my life is, just in case God didn't know, you know. so it's something that i've been trying to work on this week. being quiet before God. can i tell you that it's really really really hard?!

Day 4: Cleanse

ok - so far it's really not going well at all.
last night my man and i had pizza and beer. today i stopped by chipotle's and had my favorite - vegetable burrito bol w/ the works... w/ all the rice, red tomatoes, corn, and you name it - i'm not doing very well.
i'm only on day 4 and already i'm so sick of meat. my meals have been consisting of soups, salads, and eggs. i feel gross. i want fruit! i want bread!

i don't look forward to my meals anymore - so sad ;(
my love relationship with food is really suffering.

sweet manipulation

as mentioned earlier, i went on a ladies' retreat this past weekend. i should blog about all that was impressed on my heart but it sounds really quite overwhelming to do that... so for now, i'll just write my little snippets of other stuff :)

anyways, my man was telling me that our jewel slept in our bed over the weekend. generally, this is not allowed in our household but when after they read books together in our bed, our jewel said she wanted to say in our bed because she knew i was gone and didn't want my man to be lonely. guess who sleep in our bed that night?!

snacks that are "ok"

my man asked what he could have for breakfast and snacks... the only thing i could think of was eggs. he didn't really care for that answer.
so today i made these
i got some rutabaga from the store and turned them into chips. they're pretty tasty actually and i enjoyed them! the recipe said you could store them for up to 2 weeks. unfortunately there's not much left to store :)

Day 1: Cleanse

My man and i (along with another friend) started a cleanse today.
it sounds like the atkins diet, i suppose. it's basically no sugar (including anything that turns into sugar... carrots, potatoes, etc) and no yeast.
so what does that leave? most vegetables, beans, meat, and eggs.

it also calls for various supplements to be taking throughout the day.
it's supposed to be for 3 months, but i told my man we'd see how things were after 6 weeks.

here are a few rules that we agreed to break:
1. we can have one serving of fruit a day
2. we can have one serving of brown rice a day
3. we can have one cup of coffee a day (no sugar)

we haven't decided on yes or no alcohol yet.

today went ok but i will tell you that i'm tired and don't feel like working out. but that could be because i got no sleep while at a ladies' retreat this past weekend.